outside looking in [c]

He had dreams of glass shards, of spiderweb cracks and of the tendons and muscles that glistened beneath his skin. Angel couldn't call them nightmares anymore, because waking up wasn't any sort of relief.

The doctors said he was lucky. His broken bones healed, his cuts and bruises. There were other scars too. But he didn't feel lucky when he thought of the scar that traced a jagged diagonal across his face in pink glistening scar tissue. It made him sick to think about and hysterical to look at.

Vapid, superficial damage had been done, but that was all Angel had ever been - vain and beautiful. Now he was worthless, he was expecting even Nevada's interest to wane as even his own had. He stayed in the bedroom, in the dark, and he didn't care about dressing up or brushing his hair or eating his food. Nevada assured him it wasn't that bad, that he was still beautiful. But it couldn't be covered, Angel couldn't and wouldn't be seen like this. He refused to leave the penthouse, and he lay listening to Nevada moving around the penthouse, cooking, cleaning, reading. He heard him leave and he heard him come back. Usually Nevada came up to check on him, and Angel sat up groggily when he heard his name from downstairs. He took his time, sliding out of bed, his steps still careful and slow, his hand on the railing as he paused halfway down the staircase. He stared down at Nevada, curiosity mild at best.

NEVADA RAINES

Angel frowned. Nevada couldn't leave him alone. He supposed it was comforting to know he still cared for now, but most days it was annoying. Uncharacteristically, Nevada kept suggesting Angel go out, go shopping, go clubbing, go anywhere.

He wanted to say he didn't want it, whatever it was. All he wanted was his face back to normal, his life back to normal. Pursing his lips, Angel stared at his hand on the railing. The promise ring was replaced with a big glittering diamond of an engagement ring.

With only a sigh in response, he padded down the rest of the steps and stood in front of Nevada. "What is it?" He looked down at the carrier, not caring enough to make a guess.

NEVADA RAINES

He combed through his hair with his fingers, pushing it away from his face and working out a knot while he watched Nevada. He blinked, surprised that Nevada had gotten him a pet when he didn't seem to think that Angel could take care of himself.

Stepping closer, he reached out with a bit of hesitance. The rabbit was staring up at him with big bright eyes and twitching whiskers, but he didn't mind it. He couldn't stand the feel of anybody looking at him anymore, even Nevada for all his insistence he was still beautiful. But it was just a rabbit, it wouldn't care. It was tiny and it was precious, and Angel was very hesitant as he took it from Nevada and clutched it to his chest. Its claws were sharp little pinpricks against his hands, and its ears were soft as velvet. A small smile had crept up onto Angel's face.

NEVADA RAINES

Angel had never thought Nevada would get a pet. He had never had one before, when he'd been completely by himself, though he supposed that he had always been something of a pet. The thought made his stomach do a sickening somersault at the thought of being put down like a dog when Nevada was bored of him.

He stroked along the rabbit's back to put himself at least. He looked up at Nevada. "It's cute."

NEVADA RAINES

Nevada came closer and Angel almost wanted to step back. He could feel Nevada watching him and it made him want to scream and cry because he knew what he was seeing. He tensed, avoiding meeting Nevada's eyes while he watched the rabbit in his arms.

He had always wanted a pet, though he'd never had the time or money (or patience) for one before. He chewed the inside of his cheek. "Is it a boy or girl?" he lifted it under its armpits to check - it squirmed in his hold.

NEVADA RAINES

He looked the rabbit over, though he couldn't see much of anything when it kicked and struggled. With a shrug, he crouched down to set the rabbit down. "Doesn't matter, I guess." Angel said, watching as it made a few tentative hops and sniffed at the ground.

Angel didn't look up at Nevada. His fiancé. They were going to get married, but since the accident a coldness had settled into Angel, and it wedged them apart. Angel had drawn back into himself, in a defeated sort of way.

"Thanks." he mumbled.

Shuffling a few crouched steps over, he ran a hand along the arch of the rabbit's back.

NEVADA RAINES

Angel had never thought gender mattered much at all. Least of all for a rabbit. It must be nice, to not care about anything but hopping around and eating carrots. He used to not care about anything too.

There was a slight shift in Nevada's tone when he next spoke, and Angel froze, staring down at the ground. He felt a lump rising in his throat, nausea churning in his gut, when Nevada said those things. He felt angry because they weren't true. They couldn't be true. Nobody would love him as he was now. It was just pity.

"What do I have to smile about?" He said bitterly, finally raising his head. He didn't quite meet Nevada's eyes, finding a spot near his head, in the distance to stare at while he blinked back his tears.

NEVADA RAINES