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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2013 6:07:33 GMT
YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN MANY SUNS AND MOONS He's doing it again. You should wake up. A voice says in the back of Marlene's head. It's rather silly. She's been silent for so long that she still does not recognize her own voice when she hears-- or in this case-- imagines it. Aeron is doing it again. The thing with the yelling and thrashing. Or was it just a single one of them when it did happen. She couldn't recall. Not now while sleep still felt so wonderful, like soft velvet wrapping her tightly in its silken warmth. It felt so drastically different compared to the vacuum she felt the evening she was found on her apartment floor, covered in her own puke. It was as though she were being sucked away by darkness. Her body needs this sleep. Her mind, however, thinks she should get up and do something.
It takes a while for everything to start running again. Her mornings and nights have been filled with the proper, prescribed dosages, plus an addition of anti-anxiety medication that helps her relax well-enough to go to sleep without going against doctor’s (or Aeron’s) orders. She starts off with her toes and feet, then moves up to her fingers and arms. It’s as if she’s coming back around from a lengthy paralysis. Why is this so hard? He’s still screaming. Get up.
With that push, she manages to clumsily drag herself up to her feet. She’s dazed and shaky from both tiredness and withdrawal. Maybe she should have kept sleeping. This feeling is terrible and her next dose wasn’t until the sun rose.
Stop thinking about that. He's screaming. She tells herself as she pushes through Aeron’s bedroom door. He’s screaming again and she doesn’t know why. This has gone one for how many nights now? She has no idea. Every time, she ends up waking up back in her comfortable place with Dana to Aeron acting like nothing happened.
“P-please g-g—Are you okay?” Marlene finally asks, closing the space between them with a shaky hand.
LAIKA OF GS!
@southie |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2013 3:13:34 GMT
| we're setting fire to our insides for fun, collecting names of the lovers that went wrong |
He's there, once more. Was he asleep? At this point, he couldn't remember; as the solemn figure slowly drew closer to him. Again, again, again. While he could still, partially at least, think, he recalled that today had been... Rather nice. He'd laid on his bed content, more than happy to, for once, greet sleep with a weary expression. But then, it was always those days, those nights where he though maybe he'd sleep peaceful, that he came.
I want to wake up. It hadn't taken over, not yet, and he wanted to run. Again. Maybe this was his punishment, for not stopping. For not doing enough, saying enough, possibly being enough. Enough of a person, less of a monster; like the ones parents warn their children of. The ones with heartbeats, they hide so well. He started to move forward, slowly at first; the whispering from the other grew louder. "It hurts, you know, that you don't want to see me." How do you close your eyes in your dreams? Aeron had always tried so hard to find the simplest answers, to the simplest questions. But here, he couldn't; his eyes remained open, and he heard; and he was lovely. Even here.
"You know, I miss you." He spoke, again. In arm's reach now, Aeron bit his lip, and wanted to turn away. This was what came shortly after; after every line, perfectly in place. Spoken just like he would; but it wasn't him, and nor would it ever be. He felt so torn inside to say it, kept biting his tongue; trying not to even think it; he wished he'd go away. In the waking world, he'd be there over his shoulder; for maybe minutes, sometimes days. Aeron didn't sleep, when he came around; when he himself had begun to unravel to the point that coffee couldn't even sew him back together.
Close your eyes. He told himself, again, again. Close them, don't listen; don't watch. But he couldn't help but do both. Without thinking, again, without remembering for now that this was a dream, he jumped. Towards the other, grabbing at anything; anything to stop it, again. It's funny how the most horrid of events, you can never live just once. They always come back, to watch, listen; perhaps even bite your tongue. Aeron's hand reached to his face, ears still ringing; it was warm, red. Smearing, as if finger paint. He wasn't aware anymore, that this was a dream, that it hadn't happened again. For now, he was there, once more, to relive; to scream.
He hadn't felt Marlene's hand, or her voice; but his eyes opened, staring at her, still asleep.
CODED BY ELECTRIC OF GANGNAM STYLE |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2013 6:23:57 GMT
YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN MANY SUNS AND MOONS What is he doing? She wonders, squinting through a thin veil of black. Quite obviously, he is speaking in his sleep; and with his eyes open, too. She always knew there were some peculiar things about Aeron, but this really crossed the line. What is he yammering on about? None of it makes any sense. Why is he screaming? Being this unholy combination of tired and concerned isn't helping Marlene come up with any solutions. She can only bring herself to continue nudging him as he talks, hoping that he wakes up before he starts up again.
"This isn't g-good for you," Marlene stutters as she brings herself down to take a seat at the edge of his bed. The action feels familiar; it makes her wonder just how many times this has happened now. She gently takes hold of one his hands in both of hers and, well, what now? She doesn't know what to do. He cannot be coaxed, so all there is for her to do is sit and wait and hope he doesn't--
Oh. There he goes again.
She jumps at the sound and it damn near makes her fall off the bed. Her free hand immediately goes to his face to either coax him back to sleep or into the waking world. Something. Anything. To make him less miserable and let her go back to sleep. LAIKA OF GS!
@southie |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2013 19:32:35 GMT
| we're setting fire to our insides for fun, collecting names of the lovers that went wrong |
It's hard to live with consequences, they either fade away and leave you a learned lesson; or they haunt, and what one does to deserve it? No one could ever give you the answer either, and if you couldn't find it on your own, well that's a shame. His thrashing had mellowed slightly, the whimpering becoming louder and louder; "Please," Aeron said, repeating himself, slipping over the word. That one word, over and over, you'd think he'd learn that it didn't help at this point. There'd be occasional breaks, in his apparent begging, where he'd scream. What he was screaming couldn't be understood.
He was still there, inside his head; with a beautiful corpse. Back to his muttering, his eyes were still wide. He'd stopped thrashing at this point, for the worst had passed now. Soft spoken, "Go away, please go away." It'd been so peaceful, when he'd been away. Aeron didn't want to see him anymore, in dreams, the days where he'd be sitting on the couch. His couch, beside Marlene, where he wouldn't say a single word. Like anyone else, all that was wanted was the comfort in happy memories. Ones that were under Aeron's control to smile about, laugh at their stupidity; not to scream over. It would be okay, though.
Marlene's hand felt nice, as if solace in human form, he thought; his eyes still open. It was quiet in the apartment now, and he was in the waking world. Eyes red and puffy, Aeron could barely see Marlene there; but he knew she was. For the first time, she'd been there after this; and he felt ashamed. This is something he didn't wish she would ever know about, but there wasn't any helping that now. Without a word, he pulled Marlene on top of him, hugging her tight. Trying to stop the crying wasn't helping, and his shoulders began to shake.
At least Marlene was here, and that's all he needed.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2013 5:09:07 GMT
YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN MANY SUNS AND MOONS “I’m not going… Anywhere.” Was he talking to her or a dream? Although his eyes were wide open, Marlene could recognize he was not yet awake. Still, she felt compelled to reply to him. She felt that these dreams (more like nightmares) were partially her fault. The accidental overdose had to have triggered something in Aeron that made his stress peak so high. It made her feel sorry just about every day. Guilty, even.
It was out of the norm for her friend to look so vulnerable. Marlene had seen him after fights, with hangovers, unable to stand from drunkenness, lacking the right amount of coffee to sustain him and his terrible sleeping patterns… What did he do to deserve to feel like this with so many other things lined up to beat at him?
At least he finally woke up. He had to somewhere between his yelling and her cold, sweaty hands. She was surprised they did not make him feel worse.
“There’s no need to be upset… What’s eating you,” she gently chimes, expecting the chances of her getting some kind of an answer to be around highly less-than-likely. So, she just breaths against him, wrapping her arms around his middle.
LAIKA OF GS!
@southie |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2013 23:59:09 GMT
| we're setting fire to our insides for fun, collecting names of the lovers that went wrong |
And in an instant, he felt controlling, possessive even; for when Marlene spoke he'd thought, he'd never let her go. Not ever, for as a person she was the little gear in Aeron's head that made things turn properly. That old gear has rusted now, tearing at his insides; as much as he wanted to tear it out, it wasn't that simple. In this moment, he was a little kid again, and Marlene had become his teddy bear, donned in armor; the pale and fragile thing to quell the demon.
If only she hadn't seen this, her being here now he was grateful for, but... He was always the one who never needed anyone, anything; not that he would admit. It was if he was laying naked to Marlene's eyes, and as much as he loved her it make him feel fragile. Marlene could break him to pieces right now, but she wouldn't, that wasn't what he feared oh so much. It was the one day that Marlene might surrender, and leave him by himself. Maybe through her drug induced sleeps, he'd hope she'd never wake; not even knowing the countless times before she'd heard, but not spoken, not touched.
Too much to handle, for himself, he couldn't imagine how it must be for her. It was still hard to breathe as his throat burned, arms growing even tighter around Marlene. "He won't leave me alone." barely a whisper, but still an answer. But he felt warm again, as Marlene's arms wrapped around him. For now the terror was gone, but he knew he'd be there. Sitting by Marlene in the morning, on the couch, behind him at the store; almost always.
"I'm fucked up, Mar.. I never wanted you to know I was this bad." he said, not having any other way to explain it at the moment.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2013 2:25:52 GMT
YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN MANY SUNS AND MOONS She understands. The knowledge Marlene has of him has always been minimal. A few times in the past, she has expressed curiosity of someone she simply refers to as the other one. It was never a proper time or place for either of them. Particularly in time when things were too soon to speak of and they were not close enough to share such things. It was innocent the first time. She heard something on the wind and slipped Aeron a tiny note as the occupied the school courtyard during lunch. Aeron lacked any interest in food and all Marlene wanted to do was avoid confrontation.
"Who is R—? Is it okay if you introduce us some time? (:"
Clearly, the things she did not listen well enough, for the poor boy was dead. She felt terrible and cried over it for days; over Aeron's reaction, not seeing him for days, and over being so stupid. It was the first time he made her cry. And the first time he made him feel like shit over something. Eventually, it was let go, but a curiosity grew. As time went on, she could not keep herself from asking. Sometimes Aeron would say his name in the midst of a haze of alcohol with his lips loose and eyes fogged. And through slurred words, tears, and maybe vomit, he'd answer. Most wouldn't sit through that, but she stuck around as his sole form of comfort, a crutch to safely get back home, and someone to lean against so that he wouldn't choke on his own insides.
Now here they are, thankfully sober, with Marlene wishing her mind were clearer. She was glad for his adjustment to her few words, as she simply kept them down to, "P-Please. You've always been dreadful," she tries to joke. "This isn't something we c-cannot handle or figure out."
LAIKA OF GS!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2013 2:00:31 GMT
| we're setting fire to our insides for fun, collecting names of the lovers that went wrong |
He never liked to speak of Ryan; it was hard remembering how lonely things had been since then, and how in that he'd been robbed of any sanctity, even that of sleep. Marlene had been brave enough to ask a few times, but she'd be greeted with silence; or Aeron would leave her side. Part of trying to forget about it was not acknowledging it, wanting to ignore the problem until it went away... The one thing he wouldn't admit was there.
Sometimes he thought about what Marlene had done that one day, with a simple little note. It wasn't his fault for thinking it was some kind of sick joke, given the circumstances. He'd cornered her, in front of other students, and screamed at her. Not a single nice word had come out of his mouth, asking her if she thought this sick little joke was funny. Even when she'd begun to cry, he got worse; asking her how she thought he felt, she had no reason to cry. It shook him some days when he thought about it, the words stupid little cunt. After some time, however, it was let go, apologies exchanged, and life went on. With most other things, this lingered; just another little clicking sound in the back of his head. But Marlene still seemed curious, that note not being the end of her questions. Aeron couldn't remember ever mentioning him much; but Marlene had known his name. She'd probably heard it as she dragged him out of seas of vodka, pools of vomit; many nights he wouldn't have made it home without her, patiently beside him while offering occasional whispers and a helping hand. But that's all he'd become; a word in a haze, a bad memory, not at all what he used to be. Aeron couldn't ever explain how much this in itself hurt, but he couldn't help it; and life wasn't fair.
He laughed softly, Marlene's words always were comforting. "A monster, oh yes I know." Still shaking, trying to breathe evenly. But... It wasn't. "Marlene, it might not be..." and with that, he felt like a little kid again. He wanted to curl into Marlene, make her chase all the demons away so he could sleep; to check under the bed, in the closet that was his head.
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