GAMBLE, c

F

ingertips moving across a knot in the muscle of his leg, panic stirred like a weight dropping in his stomach and kicking up waves of it. He had been losing weight in the past few weeks, coupled with frequent fevers and fatigue that kept him in bed. Amory had fooled himself into thinking it was nothing. No reason to get worked up, it was just a fever. How wrong he had been. The fear gripped him and left him staring down at his thigh as thoughts of relapsing tore him apart.

Poppy’s voice broke through to him. He pulled himself together enough to pretend there was nothing wrong before he alerted her to where he was. Whether she cared or not, the last thing he needed to do was worry her. “I’m upstairs, Poppy.” He called back, wheeling himself from the bathroom. “I didn’t think you would be by today.” Amory was by the upper landing now while trying to peer down the stairs to wherever the strawberry blonde was.

H

e grinned despite himself. A smile seemed out of place when he thought of the ache in his body, yet it wasn't forced by any means. Amory felt terrible; however, he wouldn't let Poppy know even if there was little that could slip past her eye. His efforts were in vain anyways. The second she saw him, she knew. Her choked up question gave way to her worry. "A bit," he lied. "I think I'll feel much better if I get a kiss from the pretty girl in front of me."

Distracting her seemed all he could do for the moment, though it solved nothing. The fever would still chatter his teeth and create an ache to his bones. He would still lose weight as the cancer grew. Amory needed to see a doctor, but he was afraid. The last thing he wanted was confirmation of his relapse. Poppy, whether she had feeling for him or not, probably felt the same. "What did you bring me today? Or are you just visiting?"

A

mory just wasn't the type to complain. Everything was always all right, even of it wasn't. Nothing bad could ever happen. But it did. It did and no amount of denial could make it go away. Truth and reality were unavoidable, undeniable. And the lump on his thigh became the proof he gripped with shaky hands through his pajama pants. Everything is all right, he told himself to keep the fear from leaking out.

"Delicious." He grinned. "I was craving some of her baking." Amory tried to let the idea apple pastries distract him, sooth him. But he couldn't. His hand remained over the tumor on his thigh, unable to will his grip to move to the arms of his wheelchair. He felt like if he moved his hand, it would get bigger and spread or Poppy would notice it. He wanted it to disappear. "I want to go out, but my grandmother wouldn't let me leave the house. So I'm going to sneak out."

S

he saw right through him. She saw through him and her words pierced right through his defenses like a well-aimed arrow let loose from a bow, cutting through the lies and delusions to reveal the truth. A truth he didn’t want to face. Now he faced it, that ugly truth. It left his mouth dry as his lips hung apart with words that had become lost on his tongue. He swallowed but there was a lump in his throat now and it was nearly impossible to swallow it down. It was choking him.

The softness in her voice was the final blow that broke him down, broke him apart. He shed no tears. It showed in the way he gripped down harder on the lump and in the shakiness of them when he finally lifted them away to hold onto Poppy’s like a lifeline. He kissed her, yet something was lacking in the kiss. His spirit was weakened. Fear gripped him. It showed in his eyes when he pulled away to look up at her. No words made it past his lips. He just stared at her and gripped her hands.

W

hen his fear was mirrored in Poppy’s own eyes, Amory pulled himself together. He always did put himself last after all. His own fear was nothing compared to what he saw blooming on Poppy’s face. “It’s fine Poppy. I’ll be okay. I will just need to take medicine for a while and then everything will be fine again.” It wasn’t that simple. There was surgery and chemotherapy, and so much more. He would get sicker then better, but not until some years later.

“You kiss makes everything better so I probably won’t even need medicine if you keep kissing me.” Maybe his cheerfulness sounded forced. It was. Amory felt hollow inside with nothing but fear to fill him up. He managed to wiggle his arms out of hers to wrap them around her. “Don’t worry Poppy. I’ll be okay as long as I can see you.” He couldn’t fool her though. She saw through him already. Yet he tried anyways so she wouldn’t be troubled.