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demigod
with 311 posts
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| we were raised kings of nowhere |
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Post by ANGEL ALESSI on Apr 6, 2014 7:01:04 GMT
They didn't even share a bed anymore; and they had always done at least that much. It had been meaningless and simple to sleep in Nevada's bed, there had been nowhere else; and they'd gone from respective halves to waking tangled in each other. Some things were easy to get used to - the platinum credit cards, the penthouse suite - some he still struggled with - the ring around his finger and his new reflection. Some just became a part of his life on their own, and he didn't know when or how but they had. Waking up with Nevada's arms around him, his fingers brushing hair from his face and good morning kisses.
His breathing in the middle of the night, his figure nearby in the dim bedroom, he sat with Angel when couldn't sleep, soothed him down from nightmares.
Since Angel had gotten out of the hospital, they hadn't slept in the same bed. Nevada had been afraid of hurting him, jostling Angel, who was suddenly so fragile. He was, he had become so. Too fragile to share a bed, but some nights too fragile to sleep alone. It was quiet and cold when he woke up, and all he could see behind his eyelids was a cracked windshield.
He couldn't sleep, and he padded down the stairs in the middle of the night. He didn't turn on any lights - the city below gave off enough light from the windows. Angel paused at the foot of the stairs, glancing towards the couch where Nevada slept now. He wanted to wake him up, make him sit with him the way he always did. Instead, he poured himself a glass of water, his skin pallid and blue in the light of the fridge.
NEVADA RAINES
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Post by NEVADA RAINES on Apr 6, 2014 22:20:32 GMT
His nights were restless without Angel’s warmth, his intrusive limbs invading his side of the bed and tangling around him, and the steady sound of his breathing. But a lot had changed between them. Although everything seemed alright on the surface, their relationship felt more delicate to him now. Angel felt more delicate. He was like a paper doll, who would tear apart under the slightest force. Nevada missed him. He missed his warmth, his touch. He missed the way Angel hogged the bed. Above all, he missed waking up to Angel’s sleeping face nestled in a sea of blankets and pillows. The accident assured that no one could take Angel away from him, yet it created a rift. A rift created solely by fragility and fear. As he lay sleeplessly on the couch, he realized how much he longed to share a bed with Angel again. When would that fear vanish? Would things ever go back to how they were—without the cheating? Nevada couldn’t stand the thought of another man touching Angel anymore. It made his stomach twist and boil. It didn’t matter anymore that he had no right to selfishly claim Angel as his. The blonde was everything to him. Late nights alone on the couch reminded him of that. A soft sound of footstep filled the silent living room. He watched Angel’s silhouette creep across to the kitchen. Any other night, he might have pretended to be asleep. Not tonight. He needed Angel. Maybe he needed Nevada too. “Were you unable to sleep?” He called out, sitting up. “Come sit with me.” ANGEL ALESSI |
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demigod
with 311 posts
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| we were raised kings of nowhere |
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Post by ANGEL ALESSI on Apr 7, 2014 11:49:46 GMT
He filled the glass to the brim, and he was very aware of Nevada's presence while he did it. He could hear the soft sounds of his movements, but he must have just turned over in his sleep, the air felt heavy and hot as Angel gulped down cold water.
Nevada sat up, Angel could make out his figure, and he could recall the way his chest was bare and his hair was mussed, the way only Angel saw him, so undone.
He didn't rush into Nevada's arms, he finished drinking before he left the half empty glass on the counter and went to the couch.
It was warm with Nevada's body heat, the smell of him, all the things he missed upstairs in the bed. Angel sat beside him, leaned into him with a soft sigh. The dark made it easier.
Angel could pretend he was still pretty, Nevada still loved him.
NEVADA RAINES
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Post by NEVADA RAINES on Apr 8, 2014 0:24:08 GMT
Taking his time before he finally joined him on the couch, Nevada waited. He was patient. Angel could take all the time he wanted so long as he came to sit with him. To disregard his request was as good as rejection in Nevada’s eyes. But Angel did come to sit beside him. He wrapped the fragile blond in his arms, pressing his lips to his forehead. No other words were exchanged between them. He wanted to break the silence, yet he didn’t quite know how. Maybe it was better to just sit together in silence, contented by the presence of each other, the soft scents and sounds. “I miss you at night.” But Nevada knew he had to say at least that much. “I can’t sleep without you.”
ANGEL ALESSI |
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demigod
with 311 posts
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| we were raised kings of nowhere |
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Post by ANGEL ALESSI on Apr 8, 2014 3:08:42 GMT
Nevada pulled him close, kissed his forehead. It still felt hesitant and gentle in way Angel didn't like. It made him feel fragile, and he hated to feel fragile. He'd never been as delicate as they liked to think but now the scar across his face sent spiderweb cracks down his spine and fissures beneath his skin.
He unraveled, limply, into Nevada's arms.
He was sure Nevada hadn't gotten into that bed since the night he'd watched Angel fucked senseless by another man in it. It wasn't theirs any more. But Angel had always dragged other men into what Nevada pretended was their intimate space; Angel carried them in the smell of cigarettes in his hair and their drinks in his belly, always.
"You're still mad." Mad might not have been the right word; it was the only word Angel could think of. It was the way he blocked out the world in black and white, you forgave or you hated; and he knew Nevada had never forgiven him.
NEVADA RAINES
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Post by NEVADA RAINES on Apr 8, 2014 5:07:18 GMT
Angel never liked it when Nevada was gentle. Maybe that was why he felt the need to cheat on him. He hadn’t been aware of what Angel did with other men until he saw him tangled in bed with that gorilla of a man. The bruises Angel occasionally came home with were strikingly similar to the ones that marred his ivory skin on that night. Imagining other that man on top of Angel, leaving bruises and red marks made his blood turn molten in his veins. His grip tightened ever so slightly around the blond in his arms. No other man would be allowed to touch Angel anymore. Where were they now when Angel was so broken inside? Even if there was another man who came to comfort Angel, Nevada wouldn’t allow it. They were engaged now. That right was solely Nevada’s now. “You took another man into our bedroom and had sex with him in our bed.” Nevada pointed out. “You cheated on me.” Yet, despite all that, he still loved Angel. He was angry and hurt. That much was true. Nevada could forgive Angel in time however. He forgave everything else. But he wouldn’t forget. The memory could never fade from his mind. “That is in the past now.” He didn’t want to talk or even think about what Angel had done. “Besides,” he began. “It was not the first time you cheated on me. It was simply the first time I was unable to pretend you were faithful.”Nevada was a delusional fool. He loved Angel nonetheless. ANGEL ALESSI |
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demigod
with 311 posts
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| we were raised kings of nowhere |
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Post by ANGEL ALESSI on Apr 9, 2014 1:53:00 GMT
He was still drowsy, and Nevada knew what he would say before he could say it. It wasn't the first time, it wasn't the only time. Angel had never promised to be faithful, Angel had never promised anything. Nevada was the one who promised, pledged, gave his heart and soul and mind. Angel had none of that to give, he was a body, a cold corpse.
Nevada wasn't like any of the other men, he lavished Angel in gifts and never expected anything in return, and Angel had pushed it, Angel had found Nevada's breaking point. And this, this must be his, collapsing into Nevada. Letting him pretend he could fix things.
"I am now." He murmured.
NEVADA RAINES
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Post by NEVADA RAINES on Apr 9, 2014 2:47:44 GMT
When Angel decided to wear the promise ring, Nevada had been under the assumption that it meant they were together. Yet Angel had never committed to him. He never thought he had to make Angel swear his devotion. Whatever relationship they had meant nothing to Angel. Every minute they spent together, wrapped in each other’s arms, was meaningless. And despite all the hurt and heartbreak, he loved him all the same. What a fool he was. Now that Angel no longer saw himself of any value, he leaned on and depended on Nevada to make him whole again. If the scar vanished, everything would go back to how it was. He wasn’t delusional enough not to see that much. “No. That is untrue.” He knew better than to let his hurt well up. Angel was delicate, riddled with cracks throughout his very being. Nevada didn’t want to break him, though the words slipped out. “As much as I love you, you could never love me in return. You have never once even proclaimed your love to me. But I never expected it. I did not think I was worthy of it.” Tipping his head back, he stared up at the ceiling for a moment before finishing his thought. “I have no right to be upset because we never really were together. You wore that ring but you never said you would be with me.” He sighed. “Are you even my fiancé now?”ANGEL ALESSI |
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demigod
with 311 posts
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| we were raised kings of nowhere |
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Post by ANGEL ALESSI on Apr 11, 2014 21:10:18 GMT
Angel didn't think anything of this intimacy, the physical closeness, and it was strange to miss it. It wasn't waking up next to a stranger and crumpled bills on the nightstand. It wasn't letting a guy shove his tongue into his mouth and money into his hands. Nevada's arm was heavy draped around him, but it was a steady and gentle weight, and it was reserved. Nothing he didn't want.
He could feel a remorse swelling in his chest, but it was a rotten and selfish feeling. He thought it had to be, that he couldn't let himself care about hurting Nevada, only the way he was hurting himself. Angel needed him now, he needed his money, and his steady presence.
Nevada was smart, but he was too romantic. He had though he could pull Angel from the streets and make him civilized and perfect, did he? Angel was and always would be a reckless harlot, as long as anyone would take him that way.
"Do you still want me to be?"
NEVADA RAINES
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Post by NEVADA RAINES on Apr 13, 2014 2:28:10 GMT
Since his feelings blossomed, Nevada had always been hyperaware of Angel—and hypersensitive of him as well. He never wanted to do anything that the blonde didn’t want. Even if he expected Nevada to take advantage of him or asked him to be rougher, he couldn’t. The first time they made love was on Angel’s initiation, though Nevada was unsure about the whole ordeal. Was it really something Angel wanted or had he felt he had to? There was a lot wrong between them, yet Nevada found his feelings overwhelmed any misgivings. Angel had his heart for whatever reason. “I want no other to take as my partner in marriage.” He admitted after indulging in a few moments of silence with Angel’s warm body pressed against him as a sort of comfort. “But the choice is yours. I do not want you to marry me if you truly do not wish to. Will you be happy with me?” Even knowing Nevada hadn’t quite forgiven him yet? ANGEL ALESSI |
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demigod
with 311 posts
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| we were raised kings of nowhere |
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Post by ANGEL ALESSI on Apr 14, 2014 2:40:43 GMT
He had been terrified that Nevada wouldn't want him any more. He had been terrified of it since the night Nevada caught him with Dmitri, since he'd broken the delusion that had kept them together. The delusion that Nevada was his one and only the way Angel was his. The delusion that there was anything romantic between them.
Now, there was only the silence. Angel's chest tightened to fill it, half expecting to be struck by Nevada admitting he didn't. He didn't want Angel any more, he didn't want all his vices and problems and bad bad habits.
He exhaled shakily. He didn't have a choice. Nobody would take him but Nevada, nobody as stupid as Nevada, who thought there would still be a happily ever after, a white wedding and honeymoon, that Angel would grow up and learn. Angel had learned enough in his childhood, every lesson was what kept Nevada at a distance now. Craning his neck, he looked up at Nevada, he could make out his face in the dark and fill in the rest from memory. Maybe he hadn't learned enough, because this was familiar and safe and nice and it shouldn't have been. "Yeah," He sounded small and uncertain.
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Post by NEVADA RAINES on Apr 16, 2014 1:04:32 GMT
Uncertainty tinged the small, almost unfamiliar voice coming from the lips of someone he thought he knew fairly well. It turned out he barely knew Angel at all. Was he always so fragile that something like a scar could break him? Angel had always seemed so unaffected, so strong-willed. Now he was a mere shell of himself, wrought with fears and insecurities. But Nevada wasn’t perturbed by his weakness. It gave him some kind of comfort, whether that was a good thing or not. Angel could feel guilt for doing something wrong, he could feel fear. Maybe this was a new door opening for their relationship. Would things change now for the better? “You do not sound very sure.” He met his gaze with steady brown eyes. ANGEL ALESSI |
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demigod
with 311 posts
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| we were raised kings of nowhere |
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Post by ANGEL ALESSI on Apr 17, 2014 1:58:14 GMT
Angel hadn't seen the big deal about it when he'd been fucking around, with Dmitri, with every other man. Nevada had know about it, and he had never made him promise to be faithful. Angel had never told Nevada about any of the men, but he'd never hidden them either. It was the shameless, blatant way Angel had about things. And that had been what ruined it.
It had passed like a storm, a tornado that lifted everything up and put it back down just the way it had been but miles away. It was Angel back in Nevada's arms, but it was different now. He bit his lip, averting his eyes when Nevada met them. He his face turned away, picking at the couch cushions. He didn't like when Nevada looked at him. It had used to be affection, and now all he could see in anyone's eyes was pity.
The question caught in his throat and a shuddery sigh collapsed his chest. He drew his knees up, feeling cold all of a sudden. Was this what the rest of his life would be? "You think I'm gonna be happy?" Not like this, not with all the love Nevada could give, not when he had nothing to flaunt. He was ugly, waiting to grow old; and so unhappy.
NEVADA RAINES
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Post by NEVADA RAINES on Apr 18, 2014 1:27:25 GMT
Nevada was tired of the tension, the uncertainty and the worries. After all was said and done, Angel was in his arms and no one else’s. He sought warmth and comfort with Nevada, not any of those he often slept with and especially not with the man he found Angel with in his bed. It might have been merely for his money—actually, that was a very probable—but Nevada liked to think it was because Angel did like him in some way. He found comfort in the delusions. Angel closed into himself, huddling in a ball so close to him and yet he felt miles away. Nevada coiled his arms around the blonde to pull him close. “You are not avoiding me anymore.” He affirmed, ignoring Angel’s pitiful reply. He was only unhappy because he insisted on being so. “Were you truly happy before?” The life of partying with its drinking and drugs had seemed more of a way to escape the world that drowned Angel in unhappiness. He was alone up until he met Nevada. Every man he had ever been with was a stranger who paid to violate him in every way, many which broke him down to tears. “I love you Angel. If marrying me if what you truly want then I will make you happy.”ANGEL ALESSI |
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demigod
with 311 posts
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| we were raised kings of nowhere |
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Post by ANGEL ALESSI on Apr 20, 2014 4:19:07 GMT
Somehow, sometime, everything had twisted. Coldness to comfort, authority to devotion. It was a dream come true, to have Nevada at his beck and call, to have Nevada spare no expense, go any length for his happiness.
Angel had never believed in fairy tale endings, though. The wolf could walk tall and hide his face behind a cloud of cigar smoke, you had to keep a knife beneath your cloak because grandma was senile and the lumberjack was a rapist. Not that this was any fairy tale, not that Angel was any princess, even if Nevada had crowned him.
He shut his eyes and settled against Nevada. The bed was huge and empty, and it was no wonder Nevada had been so desperate for someone to fill its space. Maybe he'd been the first warm body he'd come across. Angel would never understand what Nevada had grown to love him for - maybe under different circumstances, maybe if Angel had been willing and charming. But he'd fought him from the start, though he didn't feel much like fighting lately.
"You can try." He mumbled, but it wasn't even a challenge, it wasn't even malicious. It was drowsy and half-hearted.
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