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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2014 19:07:05 GMT
Salem blew a breath of smoke, followed the drifting cloud up to the ceiling with his eyes, watched it dissipate before he looked back at Lance. He smiled but it was icy, his gaze was cold as he surveyed Lance. He scoffed.
"Talk."
This was how it had always been. Salem was pulled together, looking down at Lance. He was vulnerable, naked, marked. His.
LANCE DAVIDSON
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Post by LANCE DAVIDSON on Jan 31, 2014 23:38:01 GMT
The way he responded wasn't desired, though it was better than he had pictured it originally going. As cold as he was, at least he wasn't pushing him away. Not like he could've done. Though, now that he had the opportunity, he found himself a bit speechless. He didn't know what to say or how to go about it. He knew he had to try, however.
"Why? Why do you hate me so much? Why did you leave without saying anything to me when you knew how I felt?" He kept his voice steady, though his expression was anything but. He looked hurt, eyebrows knitted together and paired up with a frown. He had more to ask, but he'd mention that much first. It was the start of it all, so it should be discussed before anything else, he reasoned.
@salem
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2014 5:26:43 GMT
His eyes flickered from Lance - even after all these years, the disappointment was clear painted in his expression, he could read him just as easily as ever. He wondered if Lance could do the same - see the tension in the muscles of his jaw and the curve of his neck, the way he sucked in smoke to calm himself with more desperation than usual.
He averted his eyes and swallowed, felt the nicotine settling in and used the feeling to steady himself when he spoke. "If you really felt that way you wouldn't have left." It was, in a way, avoiding the question, because the truth evaded even Salem. He'd pushed it all aside - leaving Nova had only made it easier, had been the perfect distraction from the beehive in his head after everything that had happened with Lance. It seemed to buzz to life now.
LANCE DAVIDSON
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Post by LANCE DAVIDSON on Feb 20, 2014 22:13:44 GMT
Lance stared at him, frowning. How could he even say that? How could Salem put the blame on him like he was? Though, a thought ran through Lance's mind. One that he never really figured he would ponder over too much ever since everything happened like it did. "...You didn't want me to leave."
That much was certain. He knew for a fact that Salem never wanted him to leave. That wasn't the part that made him think. "Did you not contact me because you were mad I left?" Lance frowned some more as he furrowed his eyebrows. "I didn't leave because I wanted to, Salem. I didn't like the way things were looking for the band.
"Tch, yeah, I missed out on fame and fortune, but that never was what I wanted anyway. I keep telling you that, Salem. When will it stick?" As much as it looked like Lance and Salem were alike in that sense, in all honesty, Lance wasn't anything like Salem at all.
It was frustrating, as was everything. So many misunderstandings were at the surface and he wondered how many lied buried where he couldn't see them.
Lance pulled his knees up to his chest, blankets still covering his form as he wrapped his arms around his legs, eyes shifting to look anywhere in the room but at Salem.
"I cared about you, man. I cared a lot and it hurt."
At that point, Lance didn't care if he looked vulnerable anymore. Hell, he wanted to look that way. He was tired. Tired of being angry, tired of hurting, tired of trying... He just wanted some kind of resolution, though he doubted he would get any. Nothing was ever easy.
@salem
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2014 6:53:25 GMT
His eyes fluttered shut a moment as he took a drag, willed his tone calm and cold. "I just got busy." He really hadn't intended to seem so cocky, though it was another jab at Lance that gave him a childish sense of glee.
"Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted?" Salem moved closer, struggling to keep his voice from rising. He glowered at Lance a moment. Maybe he'd been right about this all, about fame and success, but Salem would never admit it. Salem was the one living in luxury, Salem had renown and riches, Salem had nothing to be upset about. That's what everyone told him, at least; that's what he told himself.
He stepped around the bed to tap his cigarette out into the ash tray by the bed. He paused a moment before he lowered himself to sit on the edge, to remind himself this was his bed, his house, his territory. Sitting with his back to Lance, it was easier to disassociate himself from it all. Truthfully, he had barely given Lance any thought before they'd run into each other again. Since then, he couldn't stop thinking about him, turning the whole situation over in his mind, digging up shame and hate and no real answers. "What now?" He was thinking aloud.
"Am I supposed to feel bad?" It wasn't as snarky as it might have been. It was almost earnest.
LANCE DAVIDSON
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Post by LANCE DAVIDSON on Mar 23, 2014 4:00:23 GMT
Lance didn't know, himself. He wasn't sure of what to do, where this all was headed... He knew what he wanted to happen, but that didn't mean he knew what to do to make it happen, if it could happen.
Wordlessly, he looked over at Salem's back. He studied his form, the way his shirt fitted his body and pulled at the shoulders, how the fabric bundled up in certain places so perfectly.
Without thinking, he reached out and let his fingertips graze along Salem's spine softly. He dragged them down from the top of his back and felt every bump, taking each one slowly as if studying its formation. When his fingers reached a gathering of material, he clung to it and gave it a soft tug, though not enough to ruin the fabric.
"I don't know," Lance whispered, though he was sure Salem could hear his words. The room was quiet enough to the point that he could hear the soft crackle of the man's cigarette when he took a drag off it. It made the hairs on Lance's arm prickle at the sound.
@salem
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2014 5:06:31 GMT
The bed creaked beneath him slightly as he shifted his weight. Lance's fingers ghosted down his spine like a shiver, and it made him tense. He took a deep breath and settled, relaxed. Thought.
Salem wasn't stupid - he knew perfectly well actions had consequences. Even if he didn't always care, he was always aware of the damages he did.
Now, he knew and for some fucking reason, he cared. He didn't pull from the other man's grasp.
"You know why I did it." Why he'd kept going even after Lance walked off. Some part of Salem had always wanted the fame, and the money. He'd grown up poor, he deserved it. His mother deserved it. Of course it was the music that drove him, but he couldn't let the fame and fortune slip through his fingers when he had it in his grasp. He couldn't risk ending up like Lance had.
"You don't regret it?" He stirred the silence that had settled again. "You never wish you'd stayed?" He wouldn't believe Lance if he said he hadn't. Salem wanted to look over his shoulder, but he lost the nerve to do it, only tucking some hair behind his ear as he took deep drag.
LANCE DAVIDSON
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Post by LANCE DAVIDSON on Mar 27, 2014 6:00:52 GMT
He nodded even though he knew Salem couldn't see it. Though he eventually followed after with words. He just wanted to sit in silence a few seconds more, enjoy the sound of Salem's voice as it lingered there in the air before he washed it away with his own.
"I do regret it," he admitted, then swallowed before taking a deep breath. He let it out slowly, though it shook a little as it left his lips. "I regret leaving. Missing out on the fame, the fortune, the excitement and sights of the world.... leaving your side."
No, he didn't care if he sounded weak. Pride be damned at that point. He wanted Salem to know everything. No more misunderstandings. Everything out in the open. That's what Lance wanted. He felt it was the right thing, that Salem deserved it, oddly enough.
"If I had the chance to do it over again, I don't think I would have left." His fingers let go of Salem's shirt and he moved to get closer to him. His arms snaked around Salem's neck as he held him from behind, clinging tightly to his frame as he hugged him. "I'm sorry..."
@salem
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2014 0:15:31 GMT
It should have gone down like smooth whiskey, Lance admitting that he'd been wrong, Salem was right. But he must have grown up, even a little, since it wasn't as satisfying as it should have been, as he dreamed it would be. Regret wasn't worth anything, but he'd realized that a long time ago.
It was hard to pin down too, regret. He was sure it was the feeling in the pit of his stomach that he'd tried to bury in cigarette ash and expensive gin, and it was the feeling that pushed up his throat in a wave of nausea now. In a wave that almost spilled out in confession. If he said it all, would that absolve him?
No, he reminded himself, relaxing against Lance's steady hold. Nothing would change, and nothing had changed. He was still Salem Bauer, and Lance was still nobody. It was too late to change anything, and it didn't matter if he tried. "Don't be." He swallowed down his nerves and kept his tone cold.
LANCE DAVIDSON
this is fuckin terrible im sorry
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Post by LANCE DAVIDSON on Apr 14, 2014 0:51:41 GMT
"I wonder how different things would be right now if I hadn't have left," he mused, turning his head so that it rested against the top of Salem's back, his arms having moved down so that they were around his waist instead.
He wondered if things honestly would've been different at all, if Salem and he would still be friends, or more than that, or if Salem would've turned out this way anyway regardless. A lot of this Lance blamed on himself and had for a very long time whether he showed it or not. Salem turning out the way he did... was it all really because the fame went to his head? Or was it Lance's fault, too?
"I'm sorry anyway," he went on to say in response because it wasn't the fact that he turned his back on fame and fortune he was so sorry about. It was Salem. "I feel like I... let you down... Abandoned you, even."
Did Salem feel abandoned because of Lance? He had no idea, but Lance felt like the biggest douche there ever was because of what he did. "To be honest, I thought we'd still be friends even if I wasn't in the band anymore. I didn't think it would happen like it did."
That was truth.
@salem
no way, it's fine!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2014 22:25:14 GMT
How many days had he spent lounging in bed with the acrid taste of cigarettes and bad deeds on his tongue? Would this offset it? Another breath of smoke tumbling from his mouth into to the air, another apology. The weight of Lance against his back, but it was a different, nicer weight than Salem was used to.
He smiled faintly. "It's fine."
"I didn't either." He admitted. He'd lost track of time, gotten swept up in shows and photoshoots and studio sessions. He'd been spiteful too, this was what he'd wanted, to prove that Lance had made the mistake, that Lance wasn't his backbone.
But he'd come back to clear his head, and he wasn't sure if this had helped or hindered that. "Nothing turned out quite right." He mused, not sure if he was even speaking to Lance any more.
LANCE DAVIDSON
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Post by LANCE DAVIDSON on Apr 21, 2014 22:37:05 GMT
It seemed like life never did happen the way people tried to plan it out. It always found ways to put you back down in your place when you managed to get too caught up in yourself, too prideful, to... "right" about things, just to show you how wrong you really are.
Lance let out a soft chuckle, light and almost forced, but genuine. "What happens now?" The frontman asked, still leaned up against the other. It had been so long since he'd had proper contact with the man and now that he had it, he wanted to keep it. The warmth of his body seeping out through his clothes warmed Lance right up and the man's scent brought back memories of his teenage years.
He really did miss Salem more than he liked to admit and he'd forgotten how much he meant to him until that very moment he was able to hold him again.
"Can't we still talk with each other?" Lance asked after a few moments. "I never wanted you gone... and I don't want you gone again."
@salem
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2014 2:06:34 GMT
He'd never needed Lance, he'd never been his spine, but Salem shut his eyes and let himself sit back and press his weight against Lance. He took a drag and smoothed his hair down over his shoulder, as if it mattered. As if there was anyone to see or care about how he looked. Usually, there was.
But this was simple and earnest and private, it was everything Salem had turned his back on and it was everything he'd been craving.
His hands rested in his lap, as he tried to figure out how to say it, how to say it and not sound like an ass. "You know, the media'll have a field day with this." He tried, and that had to be something, even if he didn't quite manage it. He needed this quiet, this peace, this seclusion, and he'd never get it if they caught him with Lance. Already, someone had dug up their past and splattered the mess of it all over.
LANCE DAVIDSON
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Post by LANCE DAVIDSON on May 5, 2014 3:52:19 GMT
"Are you running away again?" Lance asked, but meant it in a kind way. It was an honest question. "Are you trying to tell me to give up?" Did Salem want that? "Do you want me out, completely?"
Of course Lance didn't want that; he'd just admitted to it. It sort-of pissed him off, but he didn't exactly get angry at him. "Fuck the media," he replied, scrunching up his face and shaking his head a little bit, his hair brushing up against Salem's shirt. "Why do they have to mediate who you can or can't be around?"
That's one of the things he hated about fame. Lance hated paparazzi with a passion for that reason. They'd just find something else about Salem to follow and spread around the tabloids, so why did this matter? "What the media thought never seemed to bother you before," Lance went on to say, glaring down at the blankets of the bed.
Heh, was he being selfish? Jealous? Lance was surprised at himself.
@salem
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2014 13:17:30 GMT
"I'm not." He said, and the coldness was creeping back into his tone. He leaned over to toss his cigarette butt into the ash tray. Slowly, to give him time to think. Almost immediately, he had the urge to light another.
He had never been terribly good with words, he licked his lips and sat back, still with nothing to say.
Really, there was plenty to say but nothing felt right, not like the comfortable silence. But it was clear that Lance wouldn't be satisfied with that. Of course not, he finally had Salem, he finally had the chance to read the fortunes in his palms and the truths in his words, laced with lies in Salem's teeth. Bravado and bitterness aside. (There was a lot of bitterness for someone who life had treated so well.)
"That isn't it." Another stilted silence. A heavy sigh. "I'm laying low right now. I need quiet." No, it didn't matter what they said, but it was noise.
LANCE DAVIDSON
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